Where are my people pleasers at?
I’m a millennial, and I imagine if you’re reading this you may be too. Which means it’s highly likely you are a people please or recovering people pleaser. People pleasing isn’t just problematic for having flopping boundaries, it can also show up and cause havoc with our body image, eating and exercise habits.
“People pleasers are desperate to be liked and respected but ironically, they often lose respect because they surrender their power to easily or allow themselves to be steam rolled by others.” (@therapywithabby, 2024)
Common struggles of the people pleaser linked to negative body image, and unhealthy eating and exercise patterns:
Fear of being disliked; If I have a perfect body and am perfectly healthy, people will like me and think I’m good enough.
Fear of abandonment; If I look perfect, people will want and accept me. Societies ‘thin ideal’ and the pressure we feel to ‘fit’ into society.
Agree with others to avoid conflict; Go along with the societal norms of diet culture and the thin ideal so I don’t stand out as an oddball.
Fear of rejection; If I don’t fit societies expectations of how to look, diet and exercise, I will be rejected by my peers.
A preoccupation with what others think about you.
Keeps others happy; by being in a smaller body. Because don’t people just love to tell others they should lose weight, eat healthier or exercise more. Ties into the moral value we place on diet and exercise in our society.
You don’t want to disappoint people; I’m the ‘fit friend’, If I drop my perfect diet and exercise habits, I might gain weight and people will notice and be disappointed in me for ‘letting myself go’.
Are you practicing healthy habits for you or other people? Do you enjoy the process of eating well and moving your body? If so-great! If you value a healthy lifestyle, that is absolutely ok. If this process of the perfect diet and rigid exercise causes psychological distress, maybe re-check your routines and where you chose to place value.
Are you are doing these routines to seek external validation? How can we instead aim to seek internal validation (be your own kind, cheerleader). Notice where you seek external validation, remind yourself this is a completely normal evolutionary trait that we will all engage in some way. Watch for where it is becoming consuming and problematic. If all the value of diet and exercise is going onto appearance and what others think of you, this may not be ok for you.
Reminders for recovering people pleasers:
All healthy relationships have boundaries
It’s okay if your boundaries disappoint people
It’s not selfish to chose things that preserve your wellbeing
It’s not your job to make everyone happy
Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s
I encourage you to flip the narrative and chose to embrace flexible and healthy eating and movement routines that benefit YOU.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Be kind to yourself,
M x
References:
Abby Rawlinson | Therapist (@therapywithabby) • Instagram photos and videos
