Movement, feel the difference.

I actually love to exercise. I always have been active, playing sports from a young age and all throughout school, being brought up in a family where exercise was valued and encouraged.

And it was all fun and games until I had an extremely unhealthy relationship with exercise.

I don’t remember the exact time my relationship with exercise became unhealthy. It was a gradual and slippery slope, fueled by aesthetic desires, comparison culture and our societys obsession with being thin.

This would be an all too familiar story. What starts as a somewhat harmless desire to be healthier and lose weight somehow steam rolls into disordered exercise patterns.

Take yourself back to #fitspo, GTSB (get that summer body), ‘Skinny tea’ and Kayla Itsines ‘Bikini Body’ workouts. (Thank goodness these are trends of the past)

Being at the gym doing a 20 min workout (from a model on Instagram?!) progressed to working out twice a day, 5 days a week, ‘fasted cardio’, grueling HIIT workouts, guilt, and the obsession with planning, a rigid exercise routine. A workout to me only meant giving 110%, sweating and panting on the floor. I even struggled going to hockey training, as I wasn’t in control and wouldn’t get ‘enough’ of a workout, it would be a wasted exercise. Years of just adding more, more, more. All being feed from pseudo fitness influencers on Instagram. There was no enjoyment, no intuition, no rest and not fueling my body enough. I would thrive off the external validation and praise from others for my ‘determination’ and ‘commitment’ to exercise and my physical appearance.

Sadly, these patterns lasted for years. Until I developed self-awareness, using knowledge and education I gained through podcasts and social media (that were actually helpful, from health professionals and experts). I changed my feed and said bye-bye comparison culture (unfollow Steph Claire Smith please).

Lucky for me, I physically moved to the other end of the South Island. Taking me away from the gym, requiring me to change my routine. I took a break from the gym, and a rigid routine. This felt super uncomfortable at first, bringing up uncomfortable emotions like guilt and physical body changes. I was able to sit with this discomfort and allow it to pass, as part of my healing journey. Even to do this day, I can still experience unwanted emotions-but that’s ok.

As I shifted my mindset, I adopted the principles of intuitive movement, and ‘movement beyond aesthetics’. (Highly recommend this webinar The Food Medic (mykajabi.com))

I now have a more fluid movement routine, which allows for flexibility. I move my body because I enjoy it, and the benefits that go beyond aesthetics. Movement is good for my mental wellbeing, sleep and overall functioning. I like to move my body in a social setting, with others or group fitness, in nature and with diversity and variety. I listen to my body, I rest without guilt. I fuel my body enough.

I’m excited to be back at a CrossFit Gym, I don’t need to overextend myself, be perfect or the ‘fittest’ in the class. This is mixed in with walking, mountain biking, stretching, yoga, reformer Pilates, and hockey.

I’ve re-discovered my joy in movement. I hope you can too.

P.S. I’m so glad I’ll never step foot on f***ing stair master again.

Morgan x